Creation Science vs. Fucking Reality Part 1: The Christian Factor

Y'never know what I'll do with my days off. Yesterday some mates and I looked through a book about weird shit in Florida, located a 300 year old ruined castle, then drove out there and smoked a blunt in it. It was terrifically unexpected, and I'm thankful to have such adventurous friends. Today has been going by notably slower, but nevertheless I've been occupying myself by reading up on a particularly hot, controversial, and random topic; creation science. I did this because Florida voters this past election only narrowly disapproved of a bill that would require not just religion, but one paritcular religion to be taught to our children in public science classrooms.

Over the years I've heard bits and pieces of what these shitbrain "creation scientists" have to say about the origins of life, but today I decided to let go of my anger, forgo assumptions, and actually read through creation science literature with an open mind. Seriously, I did this. Being the imaginative dude that I am, I was actually able to pretend that it's both possible AND plausible that the Earth was spontaneously created at the center of the universe some 6000 years ago... or at least I was able to suspend my disbelief long enough to research how such a claim could be scientifically justified. After enjoying a few brief FAQs and whatnot on various sites, I finally happened upon this gem; www.creationscience.com. The 8th Edition of "In the Beginning: Compelling Evidence for Creation and the Flood" by Dr. Walt Brown -- incidentally the same book Florida legislators wanted 6th graders to study in science class -- is posted in its entirety on this site, and today I read it from beginning to end (the fact that I was able to do so in only a few hours should tell you everything you need to know about this so-called "textbook").

After enduring this unique monstrosity of deception and dogma, I must say that my bewilderment and dismay at just how fucking stupid these creation science people can be has increased tenfold.

I'll start with the obvious; there's a definitive Christian flavor and indeed bias with all of this garbage. That may come off as a little too obvious, but hear me out; certain Jews and Muslims believe in similar crap, albeit not quite as commonly (Muslims in particular have a long tradition of testifying the harmony between science and the divine) but still commonly enough to warrant mention. Beyond the Old Testament-worshiping religions -- which I collectively refer to as the "Big Three" -- certain Hindus, Buddhists, and Native Americans also have similar beliefs in spontaneous creation. So where is all of their "science"? American creationists will tell you that you won't hear much out of them because their research is comparatively sparse and inconclusive (of course this is universally true of all make-believe "research", but I digress). They have a point from a strictly American perspective, but contrary to popular opinion we're not the only country to arise in the last 6000 years -- excuse me, the ONLY 6000 years that there ever were. Crackpot theories run rampant throughout the world, as evidenced here;


You may recognize this video from this very site, but do you see what I mean? Muslims used to lead the world in science and mathematics during the Renaissance, yet here we have a hyper-fundamentalist Muslim -- one who probably considers anything his religion produced from the 1500s onward to be "new-fangled nonsense" -- spouting off religious bullshit and trying to pass it off as real science. While I've never heard an American creationist actually claim that the Earth is flat, the same tendency to, as the Iraqi guy put it, "categorically reject" certain ideas based on nothing logical is just as present in American creation science as it is in the whatever fanatical hogwash Mr. Flat Earth subscribes to. After all, if we're to question the "atheist" view of Earth's biological and geological history, as creationists challenge us to do, then why aren't Muslim answers just as valid as Christian answers in Dr. Walt Brown's book?

Easy; because Muslim ideas are categorically rejected by Dr. Brown on the grounds of being unsupported by the Christian Bible.

If creation science was truly attempting to present an objective view of scientific data, wouldn't it make sense for ALL those who believe in spontaneous creation to share their beliefs and even reconcile them where contradictions are found? Of course it would, but we all know that's about as probable as peace in the Middle East. I mean, can you honestly imagine Dr. Walt Brown arguing with that Iraqi guy over the shape of the Earth when all either one of them can ultimately do is quote their favorite fantasy novel? Of course you can't... not without a hilarious slap-fight ensuing, anyway. Throw in some of those Hindus, Buddhists, and Native Americans I mentioned earlier and the slap-fight suddenly becomes an all-out brawl. Which is a shame, really, because creation science textbooks seem an awful lot shorter than they ought to be considering the very profound implications of what they suggest.

My point of this particular segment of my rant is that when you consider whether we should be teaching this stupid, confusing collection of half-baked theories in our public schools, you MUST remember three things. First of all, here in the United States of America we practice a little thing called "separation of Church and state" -- it's an ideal our Founding Fathers implemented to ensure that no one religion (or lack of religion) is treated as too significant or insignificant under the law. Second of all, creation science has undeniably religious implications which take on a distinctly Christian form in our country, and not all of our country's kids are Christian or even religious. Third and finally, anything taught in a science class must be testable through the official scientific method, otherwise it's theology, not science (if you don't know what the official scientific method is, google it real fast; I'm not your 3rd grade teacher).

Looking at things this way, even if you choose to believe in creationism -- which is your right and indeed your responsibility as an American if that's what your heart tells you to do -- you must understand that your beliefs have no place in A) the scientific community, and by extension B) publicly funded science classrooms. You can choose to theologically debate scientists if you want, and you can even teach kids that some people don't believe in what's taught in science class. But at the end of the day your ideas cannot be validated without dogma, and therefore they just aren't scientific in nature. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that until you try to unfairly push these ideas upon others, at which point the spirit of our nation demands you be stopped.

That's all for now, folks. Join me tomorrow for "Creation Science vs. Fucking Reality Part II: Actual Facts!"

QUOTE OF THE DAY!!!!
"I don't want an empire, buddy. Never did. All I want... all I've ever wanted... is to have a good time. And to annoy Batman whenever possible, of course. And to one day murder Batman and defile his carcass sexually. And a pony."

-- The Joker (in "Batman: Cacophony Issue 1" by Kevin Smith)