You know you're an old witch when...

I read these and thought they were cute.


You know you're an old witch when...

The ritual feast is puréed.

The last time you tried to do a spiral dance your oxygen feeds got
tangled.

The maiden of the coven is a grandmother.

The coveners drive their RV's to Scottsdale for Mabon.

When you are at a festival you go to bed at sunset.

It takes the whole coven to move the cauldron.

The high priest still has a vendetta going against Richard Nixon.

You find yourself using your pendulum over the stock pages in the
newspaper.

You tell an initiate that in your day you had to slog through 5' of
snow uphill both ways when you did a Yule ritual.

You drop your teeth in the ritual cup.

At Samhain you see more of your coveners in the Wild Hunt than you do
in circle.

You use Glenn Miller records for trance music.

All of your ritual robes are tie-dyed.

Your coven has a 401(k) retirement plan.

A nitro pill vial replaces the crystal on your pendant.

No one has successfully jumped the Beltane fire since 1983.

You set comfy chairs around the circle.

You sit on the floor and can't get up again.

You do anointings with Aspercreme.

The oak tree your coven planted died of old age.

You use Bran Muffins and Prune Juice for Cakes & Ale because you need
the fiber.

You don't use salt to consecrate you altar because you need to stay
away from extra sodium.

You use a walker during the Wild Hunt.

You prefer to rent a Hall for rituals because the bathrooms are
closer.

You need a flashlight to find the candles.