Retreat

At a time in my life when I feel like all barriers should be up, b/c I am so emotionally vulnerable, it seems like they are nonexistent. My emotions tend to be out of control these days. I'm a normally somewhat grounded person. It seems at a time when a person feels this way, all the things that make you feel like a wonderful/horrible person create a tornado of chaos in your head. I'm almost frozen in fear of the next step in my life b/c of this. I know how much I have to look forward to, and I want it, yet I sorta feel like its not mine to have. Almost like, I don't deserve it quite yet, or I'm not ready for it. I feel like if I decide to go for it now, it'll all just come crumbling down soon after. I tend to have that affect. I will go into it with good intentions and put my all into it, then I just fuck it up somehow. Though, not just relationships.
IDK, I"m just overwhelmed with things physically and emotionally. Moving is a bitch, especially with only one person willing to help....which I am grateful for...but I can't move all my stuff and pack in one day with one person's help. Not possible. BLEH! I just wanna go to sleep.

On the positive note, I wanted to thank everyone on here that has supported me through all that I've been through. You guys know who you are and I cherish you all deeply. YALL ARE MY ROCKS!!! love you all!

Peace and Love,
Carabella


p.s.
sorry for rambling on and on...i will get back to this and add more or just create a whole other blog to make this clearer....one day. lol.