Newest Poem "CATHARSIS"

CATHARSIS (I)

I gaze in amazement, my heart wonders where the smile on your face went, I don’t have a clue as to who the hell I am facing when you chasing, insults and slights that don’t even exist, pointing at the skeletons in my closet when you have a grave yard in your basement.

Once, I remember you asked why is it so difficult for me to share my heart, never knowing I had planned to give it to you from the start out of love but never on demand, command you could never truly understand that I needed to feel safe, protected catered to all the while allowed to reciprocate in order for any one to be my man.

A man for his beliefs will die, but a coward will lie and deny, vie to betray the ones he loves and stick to a flimsy half baked alibi. This coward is a creature that hurts the ones that love him or try to help him with a song in his heart laughing evil laughs while all those he wounds ache and cry.

I can see you dude? I would never allow you to hold me as my tears begin to violently cascade against my will, I refuse to allow someone beneath my level to console me, no matter if I tremble because the wind I feel is giving me a bitter chill.

I gaze in amazement, my heart wonders where the smile on your face went, I don’t have a clue as to who the hell I am facing when you chasing, insults and slights that don’t even exist, pointing at the skeletons in my closet when you have a grave yard in your basement.

Here we both stand. In the still of each others presence as your tears fall like rain, I don’t believe the sincerity of your tears because I doubt that you even feel pain. Even if your cheeks are stained by the salty witches brew made by your eyes. Your eyes lie. Your lips deceive, your heart is a thief that has yet to return the love I gave you. The love you made me believe.

I am really not mad at you. I mean, how can I be? The man that knew and fell in love with is not the man I see. This hate and ire is going to be the death of me, so with a breath I see, you clearly and with no ill intentioned will, I’m going have to set you free.

There’s nothing wrong with me. I am as I’m supposed to be so all the insecurities you nurtured inside of me were designed by you to confine me and all you were doing was hiding me even from myself. You wanted me dependant on only your love alienating me from everybody else. You knew you’d lose everything once I began to love myself.

I gaze in amazement, my heart wonders where the smile on your face went, I don’t have a clue as to who the hell I am facing when you chasing, insults and slights that don’t even exist, pointing at the skeletons in my closet when you have a grave yard in your basement.

I was so easily controlled, cajoled, I obeyed any and all orders I was given and believed any silver tongued non-truth that I was told. But to everything there is a season and your power waned like the cycles of the moon and your bitterness became old.

I can smile. I can laugh. I can feel the warmth of the sun and dance in it’s light, I don’t have to run from you, hide from you, cry or fight. I am free and indeed I always was. You are the past beneath my feet forgotten like so much dirt sand and dust from something that never was.