First one

Mood: :-(

Well, I've never really felt the need to post until now. Seriously, I'm so confused. It's like, Okay, I've been Christian since I was 7. When I got here, I wasn't Christian. At all. I didn't even worship Yahweh. Apollo and Artemis were my first two, then it was Aphrodite, then Ix Chel. I was all of theirs. At once. Then, I said, "So many things are happening that are making me wonder whether I'm making the right decision. Nightmares and everything. Then came a bunch of church stuff. Anyway... Something came to me. They called it the Holy Spirit. IDK, it could have been. It said, "This year, Veronica is going to do some things you wouldn't expect her to do. Like jump and scream and shout. Things like that." I got up for prayer, and I JUMPED AND SCREAMED AND YELLED AND CRIED AND LAUGHED AND EVERYTHING! But after that high was over, I looked at myself and thought, "I don't feel complete anymore. I feel lost." Then, I said to myself I said, "Self?" Myself said, "Hm?" I said, I'm gonna just be spiritual. All I know is, there are spirits. They do exist. No one knows for certain if any religion is the right one, so I'm not gonna choose one yet. Then at church my youth pastor noticed a change. Not a good change. A change so bad to where he would have to tell my parents. I was so scared. That's kinda when I turned to Yahweh. But I feel lost. I think I need that balance. That Feminine/Masculine balance. I don't have it. I'm scared that if I go back to my ways before Yahweh became my number one again, My youth pastor is going to notice a change and tell my parents. And I most definitely do not want to have those nightmares again. I can't worship Yahweh and Artemis because Yahweh isn't really a fan of Polytheism. I'm not allowed to talk to my High Priestess anymore, so I can't go to her.