My Situation

Okay,

 I was baptized and raised Christian. My parents are extremly strict and well.. religious and closeminded.

I read house of night by P.C. Cast, and something about it just opened doors for me. Spiritually.

 Ever since I was a little kid, I have seen heard and felt spirits. My mom always told me that it was bs and I had to block it out or I would go to hell ect...

 When I was baout 4, I remember being locked in a cubort by a red haired person. I remember her as my babysitter. She had these eyes, they were black and souless...

 I recently asked my mom and she told me that I never had a baby sitter with red hair and told me to stop telling stories. This spirits name is Youknrouz, and to this day harasses me. I firmly believe it is a demon. It has no specific gender... but it prefers materializing as a female.

 I have a connection to Nyx I think. I just... I love her. she is my goddess. She accepts me and tells me to embrace my gifts insted of painfully trying to block them out.

 My mom used to yell at me, because I couldn't block it out. I tried to hard...

 I believe that Nyx herself has told me the following: "I can truley say that you are , which I can not say for many aside few, you are truley a daughter of mine..... I can understand you're grief and sorrow, but at a time you need to embrace what is, what will be, and in order to do that you need to listen to you're heart."

Yet, I wonder if I imagine this all. I wonder if Nyx really wants me to be a dughter of hers. . . . If anyone has a connection to Nyx, could you ask about me? ...

 I've lost my connection to her, which scares me. Is Nyx shutting me out? She is all I have at times... The thought is unbearable.