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What to say to a Christian missionary.
Missionaries are annoying and here are a few things to say to them if they ever pay you a visit.
1. I'm sorry I dont want any, have you tried next door, I think they do?
2. A telepone technician has already come to my house. Your too late sorry. (This works well for other kinds of jobs, plumber, tv installer, etc)
3.Christ who? I'm sorry but i've been living in a board game for 50 years and I'm new in town. (inspired from Zuthra and Jumanji)
4. What are you talking about, there are hundreds of Gods, please be specific and name him already, and I'll look him up my Dictionary.
These and other quotes are for fun and no offense intended towars anyone.
1. I'm sorry I dont want any, have you tried next door, I think they do?
2. A telepone technician has already come to my house. Your too late sorry. (This works well for other kinds of jobs, plumber, tv installer, etc)
3.Christ who? I'm sorry but i've been living in a board game for 50 years and I'm new in town. (inspired from Zuthra and Jumanji)
4. What are you talking about, there are hundreds of Gods, please be specific and name him already, and I'll look him up my Dictionary.
These and other quotes are for fun and no offense intended towars anyone.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by erthgoddss on
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Erik said:Pick up the blackest, most vile death metal CD you can find and crank it! (works for in-laws too). May I recommend Cradle Of Filth?
Reverse missionary work: If they are open to changing your mind, they invite the change right back! After all, it is YOUR house
I understand what they are trying to do, and usually will give them he time (especially if they are cute.. though not many are gay.. or like my pick up attempts). However I have been severally offended by some, and one Halloween I picked up a severed head decoration. It was bloody and looked like some one ripped off a head. I stuck it on a pointed stake with a small wooden sign 'Missionaries will be converted"
After a week or so, my roomate noticed and I had to take it down.
Remember, it is your house, your castle... anyone who comes onto your property is a guest and should be treated as such, though they should also be reminded they are but a guest
Excellent Ideas. I just tell them I am pagan and if they want some literature I can tell them where to buy it. Usually after I say the word "Pagan" I can see the shudders start and they leave. LOL Though I did have one person ask why I was Pagan, I told them it started with learning about the history of Christmas. She got a "knowing look" in her eye, smiled and said ok and left.
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Permalink Reply by jaymacfee ~ WhiteBear on
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I once told one,"Christ? Oh, yeah. The dead guy on a stick!" He wasn't amused. I, however, had just finished a 20 hour shift and really didn't care.
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Permalink Reply by alighieri borrelli on
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jest say no
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Permalink Reply by Earth's Outcast on
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What's the fun in saying 'no' Alighieri Borrelli? These excuses are way funnier then saying no to a missionary, plus seeing their faces after you say these are priceless.
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Permalink Reply by Becky on
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I like to pretend I don't speak their language. This works for telemarketers too. I once answered the phone "Bueno" and the telemarketer started giving his shpeel in English. I then used a very thick made up accent to say I did not "talk" ingles. He then tried to speak Spanish and I switched to German. Then he got so confused I ended up using a Russian accent that I picked up from a friend and started asking hesitant questions in broken English that really didn't make sense (see Monty Python's Fake Hungarian Phrasebook, yea it was kinda like that) He finally let me go after apologizing profusely. I think that this could work in person as long as you can keep a straight face and dress somewhat haphazardly. LOL I still chuckle when I think about how confused that dude was. "I will not buy this record. It is scratched!"
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Permalink Reply by Aoni on
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I dont mind missionary's, but when I'm busy or just dont have time for them I just tell them that, because christians already have enough preconcived idea's about pagans/ spiritualists etc and its hard enough trying to get them to open their minds without giving them extra ammunition, you be rude or intimidating to them and you're basically handing them an excuse to be prejudiced against us .... so even though it is funnier to be uncivil or play jokes on them, its better in the long run to show them that we're not 'evil' and 'damned' lol
And better yet if you befriend them, they actually start opening up and thinking about how we see things in a positive way :)
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Permalink Reply by Bri on
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Haha I take the city bus and there is this one older women that always come by with flyers, my friend and I call her the Jesus Cruiser (also they drive around in a van that has been painted to say Jesus <3 you, so its that much funnier) She hands me flyers about how teens are vial sinners and I asked her once why she handed them to me and she said because I look like a angsty teenager, and my black hair makes her worry. i looked her straight in the face and said 1 I am not in highschool and I'm almost 19, and my hair is natural. She just looked at me and I was I'll take your flyers but i just use them in my rabbits cage. She hasn't bugged me agian.
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Lol, I ride the bus too. I once gave an elderly gentleman a change card for $4 cause he sounded like he needed it and he gave me a baptist tract for a local "super church". I was your standard you're going to he** types of things and I'm thinking I just gave you $4 that doesn't seem like a sin to me. Lol he also mentioned that they have a very large singles group...
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